A History of Idiosyncratic Events in Football – Part Four

--------------Kings Of The Drop--------------

There is nothing worse for a professional footballer (injury excluded) than relegation, unless of course, it's more relegation.

Carlton Palmer, perhaps surprisingly for a player who otherwise had a relatively distinguished playing career, which included eighteen full England caps - is right up there with the 'Kings Of The Drop,' having gone down five times with West Brom (1985/86), Sheffield Wednesday (1989/90), Nottingham Forest (1998/99), Coventry (2001/02) and Stockport County (2002/03).

Neil Redfearn can also write the names of five relegated employers on his 'Curriculum Vitae.'
Bolton (1982/83), Lincoln (1985/86), Barnsley (1997/98), Charlton (1998/99) and Halifax (2001/02).
Redfearn's playing career spanned over twenty years and he played for 13 different league clubs. Redfearn is currently fifth in the all-time list of most Football League appearances. His last league appearance for Rochdale in 2004 took his total to 790.

Perhaps the biggest 'Jonah' of them all is poor Simeon Hodson, (below right) who managed to taste relegation three times before his 21st birthday!

In all Hodson has been involved in teams relegated from the top five levels of the English football league system.

Notts County (1983/84) relegated from the old First Division, Lincoln (1985/86) relegated from the Third Divsion, Lincoln again (1986/87) relegated from the Fourth Division.
In 1990/91 he was part of the West Bromwich Albion team relegated from the Second Division.

In 1992/93 he was a member of the Mansfield Town team relegated from the Second Division also, which following the inception of the FA Premier League, was now the third level of the league system.

It is worth noting that, though he left before the season's end, he played for Notts County in the 1984/85 season when they went on to be relegated from the Second Division. Consequently, his first four seasons saw him involved with clubs relegated from the top four levels in order. Incredibly, his fifth season (1987/88) saw him initially at Newport County (but he left two months before their demise to join West Brom), as they went on to be relegated from the Fourth Division.
That makes five relegations and one near miss in a League career of just ten seasons.

To cap it all off, in 1999/2000 he was relegated from the Football Conference with Altrincham.......to complete the set!

Thus, he can claim to have been relegated from the top five levels of the English football league system with five different clubs.

In 2001, aged 35, a knee injury forced Hodson to retire. He is now a PCSO for the Warwickshire Police.

'CRAP TOWNS' - The worst places to live in the U.K

Whilst in the throws of reading some literature lately on ' The 50 worst places to live in the UK - The idler book of CRAP TOWNS' - I began to deliberate in my own mind as to whether there was any correlation with some of these 'crap towns' also being towns with football clubs attached.

Irrespective of the success or otherwise of any such football clubs, I was more interested in whether or not it was possible to argue that having a football club in a town made it a better or a worse place to live.

A form of investigative journalism if you like!
Now being an avid footy fan I have to say over the years I have visited, (for better and for worse as a priest would say) both some alluring and equally abhorrent places whilst following my team around the UK.


Britain is full of crap towns full stop. Why?

Well look at all the miserable faces you see walking around the streets of your very own town, the overcrowded trains, the filthy walkways, inner-city crime, poverty, the economic climate, the smell, the concrete monstrosities for housing estates, hospital waiting lists, CCTV on every street corner, kids pushing prams, speed humps, cycle lanes, plastic glasses...........

The UK is soiled and full of people with tales of all the various forms of misery their towns have inflicted on their lives.

The UK and its towns are full of 'Rules' and 'Fun is Forbidden.'


A few years ago Hull, the gateway to Europe was considered 'The UK's No.1 Crap Town' but having used the 'net to check if this was still the case I subsequently found out that Luton indeeds currently holds the crown!

Both footballing towns, Hull has been described as 'smelling of death' due to the combination of its own chocolate factory and on days when there is a a south-east wind blowing, the smell of nearby Grimsby adds a fishy staleness to the odour.

Windsor perhaps surprisingly, was voted the second worst place to live this time around.

One voter said: 'The big thing about Windsor is that its townsfolk believe that by living near the castle they are more or less royalty themselves.'

Sunderland was described 'not so much a town, more of a mortuary' and came in third.

Other towns to feature included Croydon where the slang phrase 'Croydon-facelift' derived - hair that is scraped back so tight in a pony tail that it pulls back the wearer's cheekbones.

Morecambe the seaside town that promoted itself as a smaller version of Blackpool has been in a sad decline since the late 1930's.
Why anyone would ever go there is beyond me, unless you were unlucky enough to be born and brought up there!

Hythe, a small town on the south coast is quite possibly the most 'spirit-crushingly tedious town in Kent.' (Quite a feat)
Hythe has been labelled as: 'the place that makes nearby Folkestone look like Las Vegas.'

Other 'crap towns' to make the list that also double up as footballing towns included: Middlesbrough, Nottingham, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Brighton, Stockport, Portsmouth and Peterborough.

It is claimed Portsmouth is one of the most densely populated areas in Europe and is said to have one of the thickest populations.

Stockport is a typical mill town in South Manchester made prosperous by the Industrial Revolution.
However the superseding 'look' for Stockport locals is a shaven head with optional designer label baseball cap/visor, a shellsuit, the legs of which are tucked into a pair of luminous socks accompanied by a pair of kicker-style boots.
Gold plated jewellery in the form of chains, bracelets and earrings are an accepted and necessary part of the 'look.'

Brighton, the home of the nearest beach to London and Tory conferences, trades on a misinformed reputation for coolness!
The town was once described as 'The World's End' despite the council beating on about it being a 'beautiful city by the sea.'
It is neither beautiful nor a City!

Half of it is dirty, noisy & packed with horrible, gobby young fashion victims, mainly students studying 'The life and times of Peter Ward' or 'All things football in London's SE25.'
The rest of Brighton is a grimy Southeast town with council estates, teenage mums and screaming kids.
The guys roam the seafront on a Friday night, looking for someone from the other half to knock ten bells out of.


Now for the results of my investigative journalism.
I could not find any rhyme or reason to link 'crap towns' and 'footballing towns' together. There was no reason to suppose a town hosting a football club was any better or worse off as a result..........but it was fun trying!

If you would like to nominate a town that you consider to be one of the worst places to live in the U.K then post the name of that town and one reason why it is so awful in the comment box below, and I will pass it on to the writer's of The Idler magazine.